Inosmnia and Earaches will be the deaf of me...

This was originally typed yesterday but due to Jesus hating me I had to call it quits and post it today. It was turning into a huge manifesto anyway...

4/10/05

As of late I’ve had the worst insomnia. Insomnia isn’t anything new to me, we go way back to the High School days. These were times when not sleeping a good nights sleep didn’t matter because you were just going to go to school anyway? And who needs a solid 8 hrs if they are just going to go to breakfast instead of first period? Not I said the cat. Regardless, when you are in your first year of entering your 30’s and you now have the body of anyone who was in the pool in “COCOON” things are a little different. I have had about 15 hrs sleep for the whole week. Now sure a couple of bags under your eyes may make you look mysterious, but if this is the case then I make the Yeti look like he ain’t nuffin! But this morning was different. This morning was a prime example of why I’m an agnostic.

Yesterday I had a little earache while at work. It wasn’t anything major, just a little uncomfortable if you will. The was the kind of earache that was like the ones you get when you’re a little tike. You know, you wake up and instead of seeking relief you just lie there squeezing tears out of your ear while trying out different tones of the word “owww” until your parents come to dote on you. “owww” no parents, “OWww”…no parents, “OWWW” (and a dramatic sniffle for good measure), ah you hear storming down the hallway. “WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU!?” as they stand over you. Bullseye. Well when you have an earache at work and co-workers find out you hear some pretty bizarre home remedies. “Get a warm piece of garlic then put it in your ear” “Put a couple drops of warm olive oil in your ear” “Cry about it why don’t you!” Huh? Anyway they were no help, and if anything they just made me crave Italian food. I end up going to my dad’s house for a visit and my ear seemed a little more painful and clogged. Like when you have water in your ear. I must have looked like shit because my dad’s boyfriend was looking at me like I shit myself and was walking around like I hadn’t even realized I fell ass first in a vat of chocolate pudding. My dad and my sister show up and give me that “Oh, the junkie is visiting” look while making small talk. I explain that I hadn’t slept in 4 days and I had an earache to boot. I could have sworn when I said the words ear ache my dad had a flood of memories of me and my sisters being lazy asses and crying in our beds till they absolutely had to get out of bed to shut us up. But it was only for a millisecond. He tells me “you should put a couple of drops warm olive oil in your ear” to which I replied with only a Buckwheat double take. “Really? Do you have any olive oil?” Now pops brought up the olive oil thing and he was the second person to do so, so I figured it might be true. He warmed up a little bit of oil and dripped it in my ear with a Q-tip. I don’t know if it did anything to be honest, but I was so tired and sick of the throbbing that I BELIEVED it was working. I hang out for a bit and then go home.

After a rousing game of “Dead or Alive Volleyball” at 3am, I go to bed.

“AWW SHIT!” I wince as I wake up cupping my left ear. I look at the clock and it’s 6am. I sit up and settle into the most intense pain I’ve ever felt. My ear was throbbing like there was a rave going on inside of it and it felt like someone shoved a jellybean into the canal. My molars on the left side of my jaw were throbbing with pain also. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED! I had gone to bed bothered by my ear but I woke up with this stabbing throbbing pain in my ear and…WAIT A MINUTE!? No, this can’t be right? I put my pinkie finger into my right ear and listen. Was this really happening? I snap my fingers by my left ear, while keeping my pinkie finger in my right, and I could barely hear it. Shocked and a few “whatthefuck’s” later I realize I am practically deaf in my left ear! I could barely hear shit…or anything like shit! I’m a bit freaked out but still being in denial I proceed to the bathroom to take a shower. I turn the shower on and step into the warm water. As the water hits me I realize that shouldn’t get water into my ear, not to mention that I was super tired from only getting 3hrs sleep, and sit down in the shower. BOOM BOOM BOOM as the throbbing pain was getting worse. At one point I stuck my finger in my left ear to see if blood was coming out. The pain was too much. I end up getting out of the shower and calling work to tell them I had to see a doctor because I was deaf in my left ear and was doubled over in pain. The later the morning gets the more the pain intensifies. I know my doctor doesn’t get into the office at 6:30 so I turn on the radio and lie in my bed with the hopes of getting a couple of hours sleep before I had to go see him. BOOM BOOM BOOM! The pain just insisted on ruining me. No matter how much I tried to relax myself I couldn’t even lie still the pain was so bad. I sweat out a couple of hours and finally call my doctor. An operator answers and says the office doesn’t open until 9am and she was just an answering service. GREAT! FUCKING GREAT! I about to lose it! My pain starts to turn into rage. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO THAT I HAVE TO WAKE UP TORTURED BY THE PAIN IN MY EAR! I curse god, I look up and curse my upstairs neighbor. This wasn’t intentional but his apartment was in the way of me looking up to the lord.

Finally after being delirious from sleep depravation and the little man with a pick axe swinging away inside my ear I decide to just show up at the doctors office at 9am. I didn’t have an appointment and if I were there surely they would have to see me? Right? It didn’t matter I was determined. I take another quick shower and get dressed. At this point just moving was enough to make my ear give me a jolt of pain. I seriously had to move around like I was fucking C-3PO and shit! Everything was so off kilter when I was driving around because I could only hear out of my right ear. You never realize how important sound is until someone puts a curse on you and you wake up deaf in your left ear. I get to my doctors office at 9am exactly and no one is there. After walking around like a crack head listening to a transistor radio I see a nurse turn on the lights and unlock the door. I knew I looked like shit but didn’t care, I can never hide that I’m cute. Just kidding. I walk up and start to explain my problem in a frenzy. She was looking at me weird and I realized that I was shouting because I could barely hear and figured no one else could too. She says she’ll try to squeeze me in between patients. I try to read a magazine but I can’t see or do anything except try to ignore the pain. I was squirming in my chair holding my ear once in a while when I look up and notice some old lady who had just walked in was looking at me like I was some crack head. I look back at her and give a lazy grin, and continues to glare at me with a look of disgust. I just smile, raise my brows, mouth the words ooookay and look down at my magazine. “DAMIEN? DAMIEN BARRON?” the nurse calls out from the doorway. I don’t even care that the broad couldn’t read D-A-M-O-N because she called me DAMIEN? I do hate it though. She puts me on a scale and, well, I’ll keep that to myself. She then takes me to a little examining room asks why I’m there and tells me the doctor will be right in..

I’m sorry folks. I can’t do this anymore. The throbbing in my ear right now is beyond words and I can’t focus on the enthralling update. I will try and finish this up tomorrow if I don’t OD on vicadin first. FUCK! This is ridiculous…